Will I Have To Endure A Second Decade Of Bad Dates

I spent my twenties going on bad dates.

I spent my thirties married and then divorced.

Will I spend my forties going on bad dates?

The good dates became boyfriends for a brief time.  The bad dates lasted one night and became legends to be discussed over martinis.  Picture it Boston in the mid 90s and these are my blind dates.  A little understanding of the dating life back then is necessary before we dive in to the dating scene now.

PGA Guy – I was stood up by a guy who was touring with the PGA.  This was a blind date.  His cousin had met me and approved of me.  I was supposed to meet him at the Florentine Café in the North End and it was pouring buckets that night.  I made it to the restaurant having parked blocks away.  I spent the night at the bar talking to an off duty officer from the BPD and Chris the bartender.

Knife Guy – I went on a date with a man I had met.  After dinner we walked back to our cars.  They were parked under the expressway between Faneuil Hall and the North End (yeah the best parking lot is no longer there).  All of a sudden he gets creepy and opens up the trunk of his car to a vast assortment of knives.  I couldn’t get in my own car and lock the doors fast enough.

Artistic Guy – I’ve only dated one artistic guy.  I can still remember what I wore that night.  I thought I looked hot, fitted dress with matching tights and shoes.  The shoes were navy, highest heels I ever wore.   We had dinner and were walking along Newbury Street.   I hit a cobblestone and fell flat on my face and it hurt like hell.  I never got asked on a second date.  I always wonder if it was lack of chemistry, the face plant or looking like Violet Beauregarde when she turned in to a blueberry.

Seinfeld Guy – We met at the Cheesecake Factory in Newton.  After the brief introductions we sat at the bar and had a drink.  Seinfeld was on.  The first thing he said was “How about you be Elaine and I’ll be Jerry.”  I should’ve known at that point it was going nowhere.  Had I been fast enough on my feet, I would’ve given him the Elaine push.  I can still remember what I ate that night and offering to pay for the check.  After the meal he asked me to go dancing in the city.  I am not a dancer, I still had an hour drive home and had to be up for work early the next morning.  He asked about 10 more times as I walked to my car.  Fast forward to the next morning and there was an email asking for me to pay him back for dinner.  He wanted his money back.

There were others, they fade from memory as the years go on.  I don’t remember many names.  Stay tuned for the dating scene now.

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