Tomorrow marks three weeks since the end of my most recent relationship. They have been weeks filled with questions and reflection. The questions will never be answered. The reflection will continue until I am satisfied that I have grown as a result of this relationship.
February 12th marked the beginning. A bite to eat at the Bell In Hand followed by a Celtics game. I wasn’t sure if it was a date or not. At that point I didn’t even know his last name. We parted at the Haymarket T Station. The following six months were full of fun. Celtics, Red Sox, Paw Sox, Sea Dogs, KISS, Louis CK, Patton Oswalt, a book signing, movies, eating out, working out and beaching it. There was so much I loved about him. August 20th marked the end.
The reflection is making me realize I overlooked certain things about him and our relationship that I should not have. Sometimes he made me feel stupid and a couple of times he told me I was stupid. I can remember going silent or crying at each instance. Sometimes he turned things on me to make me feel like I was the problem, not him. I can remember going silent or crying at each instance. I worked my ass off for him, to get him places, to support him, to welcome him in to my life, home and family. I created stress in my life that wasn’t necessary. I lost myself in that six months.
I have found myself again in these past three weeks. I don’t want to go through all of that again.
Most people have just been silent or have asked why we are no longer together because we seemed to enjoy each other so much. My official line is “I found emails that made me realize we were on different life paths in life”. I have told the truth about me breaking up with him to some friends, my closest, the ones who will not gasp from shock. The friends I have told have been shocked, but then a couple of minutes later laugh about the situation. Only Celeste. This can only happen to Celeste. It is one of those unbelievable situations, until I show them the proof. You didn’t think I was stupid enough to leave that proof behind did you? He did. It will all be here, on this blog, someday. My daughter thinks she will get it in to her stand up comedy routine at some point, and then her memoirs.
I can find the humor, my daughter can as well. This makes me thankful.